How To Delicately Manage When Your Loved Ones Are A Little Too Close

Many facets of life, as we know it, have been jolted by the current pandemic. Our contact with the outside world has minimised drastically. We now find ourselves acclimating to the new normal. Our homes have become our offices, our restaurants, our theatres and schools for those with kids as well. 

Living in close quarters with your partner 24/7 can be a tough task. To add to that, worries about job security, finances, balancing work with house chores and childcare can take a toll on your relationship. 

Your partner’s eccentricities and annoying habits may also tend to get on your nerves more so than before. This can result in altercations, making the abyss in your relationship wider than “the 6-feet social distance”. As you are stuck at home in this pressure cooker situation, you cannot even find an excuse to escape or maybe blow off some by pumping iron in the gym. 

But it doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. With a little care, patience, and a whole lot of understanding, you can forge and nurture stronger relationships. Despite these difficult times, the small ripples of action you make can create a significant wave of impact in your relationship and help it thrive. Here are some tips on how to delicately manage your relationship and get it back on track.

• Set certain house rules

In order to keep your sanity intact during quarantine, it’s crucial to develop and set a new routine. During such stressful times, those small household flubs like dumping the wet towel post-shower on the bed, leaving a dirty cup on the dining table instead of putting it in the sink, or not throwing soiled clothes into the laundry basket, etc. seem to appear big. Without laying down some house rules, frustrations will keep on piling up and cause strain in your relationship. Divide the responsibilities and duties like cleaning, meal prep, helping the children with their homework, etc. amongst yourselves equally. 

• Draw boundaries

If you and your partner both work from home, it is imperative to differentiate your workspace. Whether it be for things like reading, meditating, playing games, watching your favourite show or enjoying a siesta, giving each other some much needed ‘me’ time without disturbance is equally important. Being mindful and compassionate towards each other’s needs will avoid any friction between partners.  

• Catch up regularly 
  

It is common for people to feel a bit isolated and lost during such uncertain and fearful times.  Stress arising from such concerns can lead to your partner acting out in a different manner. The only way to ease your partner’s worries is to communicate with them. Find a common break time suitable for both and talk about all the positives from your day, little achievements or happy past memories that can destress you both and bring a smile on your faces. The quarantine can be a great time for you to reconnect with your partner. Pursuing a new hobby, exercising, binge-watching a show, playing games or cooking some gourmet food are some options that you could explore together.  

• Rekindle the romance

Conversations can run dry when you tend to spend all day every day in each other’s company. Even though activities to do outside are limited due to quarantine, it in no way means that you cannot bring the fun inside. Try looking at the positives of this pandemic. For the first time in a long while, you get the rare chance to spend quality time with your partner, minus the interruptions of commuting for work, social gatherings, or other commitments. You can make the special effort to spruce up and treat yourselves with a special wine and dine at home, with meaningful conversations on the side that can rekindle the fire of romance. Or you can cuddle with a hot cuppa under the starry sky at night on your balcony or veranda.  

• Don’t sweat the details

Being mewed up together for long can get taxing for partners and emotions can run at an all-time high. During such situations, practicality goes out of the window and couples voice out their annoyance over minor things. When under the microscopic view of quarantine life, even the unique traits that made your partner special seem irritating. Every issue seems magnified when you are facing cabin fever. In times like this, it is important to be empathetic and be understanding of each other. Try and let go of the small stuff and focus on discussing matters in an optimistic manner. 

The Myers-Briggs® Personality Type Indicator or MBTI® is a renowned assessment designed to identify the personality type, preferences and strengths of an individual. Inspired by Carl Jung's theory of personality types, the mother daughter duo of  Katherine Briggs and Isabel Myers had developed this questionnaire. At present, the Myers-Briggs® Personality Type Indicator is one of the most popular psychological instruments globally.

But, before that we would like to explain some of the basic terms used in this inventory. 

The MBTI® instrument defines four pairs of opposite personality traits called dichotomies: These MBTI® dichotomies are:

1. Extraversion E or Introversion I
2. Sensing S or Intuition N
3. Thinking T or Feeling F
4. Judging J or Perceiving P

• Extraversion E or Introversion I

It’s the orientation where we focus our attention and get energy from. For example, extroverts get their energy from the outer world and interaction with people, while introverts get it from self-reflection. 

• Sensing S or Intuition N

These categories are defined according to the way we take in information and the kind of information we like and trust. Sensing types are those who focus on verifiable facts, present realities, and their sensory experiences. On the other hand, Intuition types see the hidden element in everything, e.g. insights, future possibilities, and the big picture.  

• Thinking T or Feeling F

Thinking people make their decisions based on unbiased, impersonal, and objective logic, whereas  Feeling types of people make their decisions based on emotions, empathy, personal priorities and relationships. 

• Judging J or Perceiving P

Judging types want that the external world should be organized properly and should appear in order.  The Perceiving types seek to experience the outer world as it is. They don’t want to organize it. 

Implementing these tips in your daily routine can help to deal with minor relationship hiccups. But relationships are tested to the hilt when faced with major conflicts. When couples with different personalities come together, they can stimulate, challenge and complement one another in a way that couples with similar personalities cannot. And how these couples deal with the conflict is one of the major determining factors for the success of their relationship. Hence, an understanding of MBTI® personalities can help not just in self-evaluating yourself, but also help you learn more about your partner and resolve conflicts arising in a healthy way. 

Extraversion (E) v/s Introversion (I) 

The conflict between these two personality types arises due to the lack of understanding of each other. In the case of a conflict, Extroverts tend to act emotionally and impulsively first and then reflect later. They’re likely to look for a resolution immediately. On the contrary, Introverts tend to be introspective and think before they act. They need their time and space to process things. 

To resolve the conflict in a constructive manner, an extroverted partner can make the introverted partner feel comfortable and help them reveal their emotions to work on the problem together. In the same way, introverts speak less, listen more and ask meaningful questions, which works out in favour of extroverts who need more room to talk.

Sensing (S) v/s Intuition (N) 

The conflict between these two personality types arises due to their varied interests and their different approaches to communication. The Sensors try to get into the nitty-gritty of a situation. As they value realism and common sense, they follow and communicate information in a step-by-step manner. In contrast to them, Intuitives are daydreamers and associate one idea with another. They often find it difficult to explain their abstract thoughts.

Conflicts can be effectively resolved if Sensors and Intuitives learn to appreciate and embrace each other’s differences. Intuitives should be as specific and concrete as possible while communicating with Sensors. Sensors should convey what they want to by presenting it from varying viewpoints and encouraging their Intuitive partners to foresee possibilities. 

Thinking (T) v/s  Feeling (F) 

The conflict between these two personality types arises due to the opposing perspectives of the same problem and different priorities. When facing conflict, the Thinkers want to fix the problem whereas the Feelers are bothered about the impact of the issue on people’s thoughts and feelings. 

To nip conflicts in the bud, both Thinkers and Feelers need to expand their outlook by stepping into each other’s shoes. Thinkers need to take into consideration the more subjective aspects of the problem and need to make room for their Feeling type partner’s sensitivity and provide them with comfort and assurance. Feelers need to consider the objective aspects of the problem and approach their Thinking type partners by logically explaining what made them upset.

Judging (J) v/s Perceiving (P)

The conflict between these two personality types arises in the way they arrive at decisions pertaining to a problem. In the face of conflict, Judgers are interested in how the present issue will impact them in future and are satisfied only when problems are completely resolved. On the other hand, Perceivers focus on everyone’s input and are simply satisfied when issues are being addressed.

In order to resolutely deal with conflict, Judgers need to be more trusting of their Perceiving type partners, allow them the freedom to take spontaneous decisions and not dictate them with structure and rules. Perceivers need to courteous of the Judging type partner’s need for organization, be concise and not beat around the bush when addressing your conflict with them. 

Final Words

Couples need to treat this temporary period of self-isolation as an exceptional opportunity to strengthen their relationships. Partners who are able to maintain good communication and are supportive of each other will come out feeling more connected having weathered this crisis.

By understanding MBTI personality types and preferences, couples can learn to readily accept each other’s uniqueness and differences and better their communication skills to resolve conflicts successfully. Let this pandemic be a poignant reminder of the unpredictability of life and how one needs to make the most of their time and cherish their loved ones.